Son, the epiphany moments of life are often many. I can't tell you how often huge revelations hit me at the perfect moments. God has a way of giving us what we need when we need it, even when we don't ask. Most often these great epiphany moments come when I'm talking to your Uncle John, he's great at getting your dad to see things in a different aspect. Recently we've been talking about fear and what impact it has. Oddly enough I don't react to the same fears that others do, mainly the fear of failure. I ignore that fear like a sales call.
I am the king of starting things. I'll start a group, project, business, plan, or many other adventures without one thought of it having a potential for failure. My fear comes from the idea of success. The success of my plan or idea is what scares me most. There is no fear at where I start, I could start anything without a second thought, the fear becomes mountainous as I approach the finish line. This creates, what most would call, half baked schemes that have me dropping them like a bad habit. Once I see the potential for something to succeed I realize the potential more success. I am afraid of being uncomfortable, that one day I will have had so many success I won't even remember what average looks like.
Honestly, it's a better fear than not starting at all but I use that like a cop out. I'll say, "At least I am starting things. At least I'm not afraid of failure. At least I kinda do something" but it's all non sense. That's where fear gets tricky. While everyone is all too familiar with the fear of failure I have to face the fear of success. It can manifest itself in a much different voice. No one gives the guy who tried as much of a hard time as the guy who never did. There is this weird expectation that if you start something you'll finish it, it's not true. Sure you'll be more likely to finish something you started rather than something you never did. Oh am I the Poster Child for starting things and quitting them just as quickly. Except my dinner, I'm gonna finish that, that'll get me rolling with success, successful weight gain.
What I am trying to get at here is that fear knows you well and it's a devil of voice. Fear hasn't bothered me when starting something for as long as I can remember. Yet when what I have started begins to grow into success, I quit so fast because of the voices of fear trick me. They say, "You don't know how to do that. You'll have to give up everything to make this successful, quit now before your time is wasted. It's not possible, give up now and no one will blame you." Man does fear know what I'll listen to. I mean of all the things, how crazy is it to think that quitting before reaching an ultimate failing point is ok. Maybe I really am afraid of failure. It would seem that I want to control when I fail. I don't want to find out where that ceiling is for my success because I am afraid it's too high. I fear getting there and never being able to return. I am afraid of the sacrifice and gazelle like intensity that I will have to have to push beyond my quitting point. I'm scared but I'm also tired forcing failure upon myself because I am scared to succeed. Maybe it's because I experienced early failure so much that I got comfortable with it. I never went into any idea with a mindset that I was going to fail but I don't really recall many successful finishes in my life. I was a successful starter but the finish line wasn't quite for me.
I hit the finish line in high school but it was because I got drug there. I had what would seem to be senioritis, as it's called, but that wasn't quite it. I had no desire to get to the finish line after nearly 4 years of high school. It wasn't that high school was such a great place but more that I didn't want to push into success. I wanted a championship in basketball and tried very hard, that goal failed due to things beyond my control, but I didn't know success. I had a girl friend and instead of pouring into the relationship, I wanted it to fail. I always acted like I wanted more responsibility but the moment that responsibility became something for me to own by myself, I'd dump it like trash pick up on Mondays. Holy cow I was a failure junkie! Addicted to starting things just so I could watch them fail. I loved it and I created this illusion that I was doing something with my life because I was doing so many different things. Truth is I was forcing failure into so many things. I had so many jobs by the time I was 21, just ask my friends how many times I'd call them selling them something new (and I wonder why they never answer my calls). From knives to life insurance, I tried selling it. I was the king of selling hot dogs though. Yet every single avenue I took was met with failure, some of it forced by me, some was out of my hands.
I'm a professional starter and habitual quitter, that's too afraid to be successful. So the question isn't where do I start, it's where do I finish. That question is even more difficult to answer than any question about starting. That's because we don't get to control the finish line, which is why I force failure into my starts. I don't get to control where my success will take me and that terrifies me. So it's easier to sit back in a comfy chair on a Saturday afternoon and watch the grass grow, some days that can take a lot out of me... I have to fix it and I think I have come up with an idea.
Getting to the finish line
1. While I can have a good idea of what the end will look like, I have no idea where the finish line will be or where God is going to place it. I have to let go of the end and make moves in the now.
2. The unforeseen that comes up along the way is not a detour, it's part of the path to the finish line. To be successful I have to use the moments of haywire to compliment my steps.
3. Failure should only come if I have called every friend I have for help and the only good idea is to end what I started.
4. I need to find out how others got to their success, what they did when all they wanted was to quit.
5. The time out is not just for punishment, rest is needed to create an environment of success. I need to take more PTO.
6. The moments I feel like quitting should be matched with moments of sharing my fear. Fear hates community and seemingly it gets quite when you've got your girl with you.
7. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. Going anything alone is selfish and useless. Partnerships are fun and communication is key.
8. If I have any success left when I get to the end of the road, you've not only robbed myself but the world. They World needs me to be successful, it needs me to make a difference.
9. Success is a better teacher than failure and locking up some little ones will help prepare me for bigger ones.
10. Overall success is measured by my own tape measure and not anyone else.
Son, I love you a ton and hope to see you go through many successes and few failures. Just don't be afraid of either one.
Love,
Dad
